It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
