It's like God shit irony all over that family
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
