she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
