My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
