My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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