It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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