she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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