She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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