As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
