uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
