Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
