Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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