It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did I show you my penis last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
