I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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