There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
