Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
