best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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