She's JV to your varsity
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
