dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
