good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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