In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
