just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.