it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"