Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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