Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
vagina is talking i cant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS