Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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