ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
