I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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