By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
