if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
