Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
