I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are a genius and a whore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
