i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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