But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
