I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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