can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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