I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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