I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize