someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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