Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
