i just had sex bonerless
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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