What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
