i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
