wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
