Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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