____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
