do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
