She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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