we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
