so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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