He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
