So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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