He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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