I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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