I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
