Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
