someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you traded sex for a burrito?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
