and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
