I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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