Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
