A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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