John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
