hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
