Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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