I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
