I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
