How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
