Non-Jews are for practice
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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