He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
