You can't special order awesome
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
