wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
